Clean Jokes

A lady had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. “My Goodness!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?” “Why, yes, officer, I’m just fine” the lady chirped. “Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. “Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the lady began. “I was driving along this road when I started to doze off. When I woke up this TREE from out of nowhere pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was….” “Uh, ma’am, ‘the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth on your rear view mirror.”

A family from the hills of Kentucky was visiting the big city for the first time. They stayed in a high rise hotel with a big brass elevator right off of the lobby. The father and son stared at it in amazement, wondering what it was. After staring at it in awe for a few minutes the boy looked up at his dad, “Pa, what do you reckon that there thing is?” he asked. “I don’t rightly know, son.” the father replied. Just then an old, frumpy woman with curlers in her hair walks up, steps on the elevator and the doors shut behind her. After about 30 seconds the doors opened again and a beautiful, young blonde wearing a mini-skirt walks out. The father leans over to his son and says, “Boy, go and git your Ma!”

A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a litter of puppies. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, “There were 2 boy puppies and 2 girl puppies.” “How did you know?” his mother asked. “Daddy picked them up and looked underneath.” He replied. “I think it’s printed on the bottom.”